Something Different

"Hate can only create more hate and apathy. Love can only create more love and empathy."

-Me, My Own Head

Maybe it is a little pretentious to start a blog entry by quoting myself, especially since less than 50 people are ever going to read this, but I need to explain some thoughts that I have been fermenting the past few weeks. 

I find hate to be exhausting. I do not mean that driving passion that pushes one to fight hard against an opposing force, similar to what we see in sporting events. One team does not hate the other, but they do fight hard against each other, giving everything they have in a physical sense. I mean the hatred that envelopes and drowns passion. I mean the kind of hate that causes people to lose sight of what they love and mutilates their hearts into something downright beastly. Hate does not breed understanding, hate does not cultivate healing, hate can only create more hate and apathy. 

So I want to write about little seeds of hate, minor, seemingly harmless, segments that can flourish into a blazing inferno. It starts with a quote at the end of Star Wars: The Last Jedi. Rose tells Finn that they will win the war by fighting for what they love, not destroying what they hate. I firmly believe that by doing just that, one will create understanding, love, and empathy. In fact, if you do the opposite of what Rose suggests (fight to destroy what you hate) I an confident that a majority of the time we can lose what we love and only strengthen what we hate. I have a few ideas how to avoid this. These are unprofessional, unresearched opinions that I think can change the world.  

First, I will use the new New York state law regarding abortion. My social media has been filled with polarizing ideas on this law, which has established a battleground of words. A battleground of mean, nasty words. One post against the new law read something like, "A man who kills a pregnant lady can be charged with a double homicide, now people support mothers murdering their own children. We live in a disgusting time." One post in favor of the law sounded something like, "People who stand in the way of progressing rights should lose their right to vote, drive, and reproduce. They are what's wrong with this country." I think most everybody would lean towards one statement or the other, which I think is healthy, but the conversation is starting from a hateful place. So my first suggestion is this:

Talk About Love, and the Things We Love

Maybe rewording the previous two statements to they could look as follows, "I love seeing mothers struggle through child birth, I support every mom, in every situation, as she works to provide for her children." A contrary opinion may be, "We live in such a fascinating time! So many people working hard to ensure their fellow women, and future women, have all the rights they need! Amazing!" Both statements focus entirely on the speakers own opinion, and not on the lack of intelligence shown by the other side. Also, individuals that disagree  can learn to understand what the opposition is trying to say. Supporting mothers? Honorable! Equal rights? Equally so! This is not a fool-proof save all idea, but I am sure it can be effective.

Thank You!

I had this experience a few months ago with an old student of mine who is vocal on social media, and we disagree on just about every topic. Her post would make me so mad that I nearly deleted her from my feed entirely. I honestly don't know what made me do it, but instead of unfollowing her I decided to message her and thank her for expressing her thoughts. I told her that I disagreed with a lot of what she said, but that it was so cool to see someone her age being outspoken on controversial topics. Her response was so uplifting! She thanked me, and said she was sorry if she ever offended me, but that she wants to fight for something important in her life, rather than sit back and watch the rest of the world decide her fate. After talking about the importance of expression she asked for my opinion on a few ideas, and how she could disagree with me respectfully. We messaged back and forth for a while, and than the conversation ended naturally. Today, our opinions could not be farther apart. Yet, when I read her posts I do not feel hate. I disagree and I love. 

Don't Argue With People You Can't See

To be more clear, I specifically mean "don't argue with people you won't ever see". Disagreements are a healthy part of life, and learning to manage those disagreements can be even healthier. I love the internet, I am writing my blog via the internet, at least 90 percent of my book sales come from the internet, but the internet gives a layer of anonymity that people use as an excuse for terrible treatment of their fellow man. If I know I am never going to see "mrPolitics435" in real life, than I am much more likely to say things that will be hurtful and out of my normal character. Beyond that, if I don't actually know a person, why would I let them affect my life in a negative way? Why not use that level of anonymity to filter out hate and let in more love? I have complete control over what I allow into my life from the computer, and it is a simple change to just allow strangers to send me positive vibes. I have talked to plenty of people who are in the midst of terrible, vicious arguments with someone they haven't ever seen. Similarly, I have friends that I disagree with online, but I find myself biting my tongue or creating more understanding responses to their ideas. It is easy to dehumanize a person or group without a face, but we tend to be more caring to the person sitting across from us.

I wrote a post a while back called "People" that is intended for younger audiences, but the same ideas from that poem apply to all adults, so please go read that as well. We are all humans. We are all striving to connect, and hate is the opposite of connection, the opposite of bonding. We don't need to agree with the people we love, but we should always love the people we disagree with.

Please comment other simple ideas for how to eliminate hate, while also following and sharing this post so we can spread the love!